Here's a transcript of a convo I had today with a girl I work with

Firstly I'll transcribe what I said. Then I'll tell you what I was thinking.

Her: Hi.

Me: Hey. How's it going?

Her: Not great.

Me: How come?

Her: Well my ex girlfriend phoned me up last night and we had a pretty nasty
conversation.

Me: Oh right. Sorry. What was it about?

Her: Nothing really. You know, just break up shit.

Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. How long we you together?

Her: About 6 months.

Me: Oh right.

Her: Yeah we met a uni and kidda knew we had feelings for each other. But we decided not to be together then because we were both pretty stressed and she had just come out of a relationship with a guy..

Me: Uh huh.

Her: And I'd just come out of a relationship with another girl and we both had lots of work to do all the time. But we started dating after that.

Me: Yeah, Uni can be stressful.

Her: Anyway, thanks for listening. And if I'm grumpy or anything to you today don't take it personally.

Me: No problem.


Anyway, that's what I said. Here's what I was thinking.

Her: Hi.

Me: Damn I wish I was fragging n00bs at MW 2 instead of at work talking to people.

Her: Not great.

Me: Ah man, I don't want to hear about your problems. I wish I'd never asked.

Her: Well my ex girlfriend phoned me up last night and we had a pretty nasty conversation.

Me: OMFGWTFBBQ?! You're a lesbian?! Way to be casual about it, bitch! Oh shit. Don't look surprised or anything or she'll think you're a homophobe and never let you watch. Act natural dammit.

Her: Nothing really. You know, just break up shit.

Me: No I don't know what a lesbian break up is like. Explain it to me. Did you have hot lesbian break up sex? Shit, am I getting a boner?

Her: About 6 months.

Me: Yep, definitely got a semi.

Her: Yeah we met a uni and kidda knew we had feelings for each other. But we decided not to be together then because we were both pretty stressed and she had just come out of a relationship with a guy..

Me: Fucking hell. I didn't want your life story. Damn you lesbians can be boring. Get to the part where you eat each others pussies like in those videos I watch.

Her: And I'd just come out of a relationship with another girl and we both had lots of work to do all the time

Me: Damn, I wonder if she's eaten more pussy than me.

Her: Anyway, thanks for listening. And if I'm grumpy or anything to you today don't take it personally.

Me: Don't take it personally if I wank to the thought of you muff diving tonight.